Even if it makes me a stalker
by Decow S Velgrit
Summary: What would a jealous Bella do to get back her Best friend Jacob back?  What would a Bella that was care-free and not to mention crazy would do when her best friend starts to avoid her? Well the answer to that is anything she can think of! PURE CRACK!


Even If it Makes Me a Stalker

Chapter 1 –Don't think you can escape my friendship

Normal P.O.V

It was like any other day in Forks that is if you look past the house with the evil laugher in it.

You see this evil laugher came from Chief Charlie Swan's house, from his son's room which was freaking out our fearless Chief, who was watching the football game on his T.V in the front room.

So anyway in the room of Chief Swan's daughter Bella, there was nothing but blue prints, from wall to wall, not to mention the strange machinery that was lying all over the floor, but in the corner of the room was a girl that had a towel wrapped around her head covering it completely like a hat, than she had on a beard… okay I'm just going to say that she looked like Osama Ben Laden, I mean she was dressed like him, she looked like him, I wouldn't be surprised if she smelled like him. So anyway she was sitting Indian style while polishing a…a… A GUN! WHERE IN THE WORLD DID SHE GET THAT? I MEAN IT'S A FREAKING SHOTGUN WITH A MACHINEGUN TAPED TO IT NOT TO MENTION A HIGH POWERED VACUM! WTF!

Anyway today was one of those days when Billy, Jacob, and his NEW FOUND BFF come over to watch the game, but today was different. And I guess everyone felt it since they was looking around nervously, Billy broke the silence.

'So Charlie where is Bella, usually she is the first one here." He said as he looked around, but turned back to Charlie when he started to choke on his drink.

"Charlie, Charlie are you okay, what about Bella is she okay?" Jacob said as he started to gently pat Charlie's back while panic was in his voice.

"N…No it just that…that…" Charlie was about to continue but was interrupted by Bella who was dressed up as Osama Ben Laden with that same strange gun as before and was trying to suck Jacob in to the vacuum thing but he was too big.

"Dang-it man what in the world have you been eating!" Bella said in Osama Ben Laden's voice as she started to us a broom to push Jacob in while holding a the gun thing at everyone else while yelling things in a completely different languages while Jacob yelled back,

"I'M NOT FAT I'M JUST A GROWING TEENAGER!" then Bella yelled back,

"OH SHUT UP YA FATTY AND SUCK IN YOUR STOMACH SO I CAN GET YOUR FAT TAIL IN THE VACUUM! Then Jacob yelled back,

"WELL TO BAD BECAUSE I CAN'T GO ANY FARTHER, YOU JERK FACE, AND STOP CALLING ME FAT!" Then Bella yelled back,

"STOP BEING A POTHO YA POTHO!" then with one fierce kick Bella as Osama Ben Laden, called the, OSAMA BEN LADEN KICK OF ASS-KICKING IN THE FORM OF N.O.R.R.I.S CHUCK NORRIS OHHHHHH THIS IS THE OSAMA BEN LADEN BITCH!

"OWWW!" was all Jacob said as he was finally wedge inside the vacuum.

"I DID IT, I FINALLY DID IT EVEN THOUGH THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ATTEMPTING TO KIDDNAP JACOB HHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA 

MOOOOOHAHAHHHAHAHAHA MOHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!" yelled Bella as she started to dance making his Osama Ben Laden outfit fall apart.

"Bella, what in the world are you doing?" said a highly confused Billy and a snickering pack as they stared at the scene that was before them.

'Uh no, no, no, I'm Osama Ben Laden and I'm here~ to make this young man into my, uh…err...uh oh I'm here to make him my male prostitute." Bella said who was wearing only the robes and sandals on.

"Please tell me why you want to make my son a prostitute." Asked Billy who was fighting to keep a straight face at Bella's next words.

"Because my people like big women and all the women in my country has nothing but extremely skinny women and we are very miserable we need big women." Bella said still talking like Osama, with this being said the pack started to laugh like some idiot released laughing gas into the room, even Billy released a chuckle or two then said,

"Well sorry to tell you this but that's not a woman but a boy in there."

Then Bella said,

"Oh please don't worry about that you see we remove the genitals and give them to some of the elders that has lost their mojo during the war so now most of my men have no wieners, I mean when you look at it there is only a numb nothing else so please understand."

This left the pack dying of laughter, then Billy faked hurt and said,

"Then why my son?" Then Bella said,

"Well you see I only take prostitute material people that looks hot, and don't worry I'll be back for the others in the next day of tomorrow. Not to mention the fact that I'm a child molester."

And to prove that point Bella grabbed Seth and said, And I'll be taking this one as well." Which maded Bella and Seth blush since they had a crush on each other.

"Well then I'll be off," said Bella as she kidnapped a willing Seth, a not so willing Jacob while the others were too busy laughing their tails off to even notice.

-DONE FOR NOW_

Decow: Well I hope you like it and yes I plan on making more chapters.

And for those that find this offensive then I'm truly sorry.

Well anyway please review, and check out all of my new stories, because they are some that haven't even been made yet and they are crossovers.

If you have any opinions on some characters you want me to pair up with someone then just tell me.


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